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I tend to liken myself to a cruise ship. For all of the things that a cruise ship is fantastic at (being strong, steady, reliable, etc.), there is one thing that they don’t do well. Pivot. That’s a whole lot like me. If you get me moving in a direction, I will stay steady with that course. I don’t stop easily and turning me from the direction that was intended quickly doesn’t normally yield good results. It’s jarring to my system, throws me completely off mentally, and I have a hard time regaining momentum on a new course. That’s not always a bad thing, but “she goes with the flow” will never be said of me.
Take a season that was meant to hold an overseas trip, family firsts, our big school break, and a soccer season for both of my kids… toss that out the window in one fell swoop along with what felt like a quasi predictable life, time with family & friends, and church… I don’t pivot. I’m stuck throwing on the brakes (do cruise ships have brakes? – maybe trying to throw the propellers into reverse?), but rather than pivoting with the rest of the cooler, sexy little speedboats, I was slowly drifting through the ocean from the momentum that had been building steam for more than a year and could not pivot.
This past month has been one of the most emotionally draining of my life and we’ve been through some pretty hard things in the past. I have been living in this really weird place where grief of life that feels lost has taken away one of the things that I love most – capturing life. Maybe you aren’t unlike me in that you had some really stellar things planned for this season of your life. Maybe they weren’t even big things, but you had hopes and expectations for things that just simply aren’t going to happen. Maybe they were huge things like meeting your kids half way around the world. Maybe they are milestones in your child’s life that are slipping away and you aren’t sure how to get them back. I don’t think any of us saw this coming and even as it was (is?) unfolding, I didn’t recognize how far it could go.
Here’s the problem with me and my oversized rear-end of a cruise ship logic though. Just because the life that I had imagined we would be living wasn’t happening didn’t mean that life wasn’t happening. It’s not the experiences I thought we would be enjoying, but it has been a really sweet period of life with my family spending time together with no time constraints or schedules.
If you are in that boat… wishing for a life that isn’t happening… can I encourage you with something today?
Look for the beauty in the life you are actually living.
I can wallow with the best of them (and I have). I full on ugly cried for a solid two hours one day, grieving what I thought life was “supposed to look like”. I don’t want this lockdown to continue a second longer any more than you do, but no matter your situation, take a look around you and find the beauty in where you are.
When we were photographers, one of my favorite things about that work was the people that we got to meet. Each child / senior / couple / family had something that made them beautiful. It took intentionality to find it. We had the privilege of working with everyone from gangly teenagers who struggled to find the confidence to look into our lens to professional models who, well… didn’t. 🙂 Each person brought something unique to each session though and my greatest joy was uncovering that nugget that made them shine.
I am challenging you to do the same with the moments that you are presented with today. They may not be the social media winners of moments that you thought you’d be sharing. They may feel like the awkward, gangly teenager moments. They aren’t necessarily the ones we wanted to be reliving, but each one is a gift that we have been given today. Find what makes it beautiful and be intentional about it.
For us, it has looked like quality time on the couch together watching old movies (Bye Bye Birdie is my kids’ current favorite) or our family films, reading stacks and stacks of books, getting outside and enjoying the sunshine as much as possible, going for long walks, hikes through the woods, fun zoom calls with family and friends, absolutely nailing homemade pizza, and our daughter learning to ride her bike.
I’m done wallowing and am set on capturing this truly unique stage of life well. We’re back to packing up camera gear to go for a walk, hitting the record button on “zoom” for the year-end video, and sneaking into my kids rooms to capture sweet moments like my son reading to his sister. At some point, we’ll put together a video of this time, but for now, I hope you enjoy a few of my favorite moments.
What about you? What are the sweet moments in life that you want to remember right now? Grab a camera and enjoy the moments!
