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There are literally tears running down my face as I write this with sobs catching in my throat. A beautiful landmark is in flames with news reports saying that there will be nothing left when the fire is through. I have to admit, it feels a little strange, mourning a building, but Notre Dame Cathedral is / was so much more. My heart is broken.
It’s been 10 years now since Aaron and I were in Paris. This was my dream. Aaron had the opportunity to live out his dream the year prior (Scotland), but France was for me. We booked a hotel in the 5th Arrondissement so that we could wake up in the middle of the old city.
In the months leading up to the trip, we found out that we were expecting our first child. Just a couple of weeks before the trip, I went in to a routine doctor’s appointment to find that they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Our baby was gone. The next week was a blur between shock, grief, doctor’s appointments and a hospital visit. We weren’t sure about getting on that plane just a week later, but it was the best decision for us. We landed at the airport, clumsily found our way to our hotel via the train, walked up those Metro steps and there it was. The most beautiful city in the world was there before my eyes. I was exhausted (emotionally, physically, and the jet lag was no joke), but one of the first things we did was check in to our hotel and then walked a few blocks to Notre Dame. She took our breath away. We spent the next few days basking in her presence. We’d walk along the bridges, or get breakfast to go (pain au chocolat and hot tea) so we could take her in from the river, or plan our evening around how we could spend more time with her and make sure that we saw every angle in every light.
She was the most beautiful building I had ever seen. Every detail was perfect, from the lion’s head door knocker to the tip of her spire. She was set prominently on the Ile de la Cite so that no matter where you were in the area, you had a spectacular view. At the time, I wasn’t feeling 100% physically, so Aaron climbed the steps to the bell tower to admire her from above while I soaked in every moment I could in the nave, listening to a choir that made the experience that much more transcendent. To this day, any time we travel, I always try to find places that I can “sit and soak” but none have compared to her.
I feel a little ridiculous mourning a building, but this building cradled us at a time in my life where I have never felt more lost. In and around her, Aaron and I found ourselves hoping and dreaming together again after such a devastating loss. 10 years later, that loss rarely hits me like it did in those early days, but today it feels fresh again. I know it’s a building, but she was so much more, and today our hearts hurt knowing she is gone and will never be the same. The heart of Paris is gone. I am so grateful that we got on that plane – that we found ourselves in Paris and had the opportunity to see what seems may never be again – Notre Dame.
For transparency’s sake – We had intended for our first post in our Europe category to be about Notre Dame, showing all of our favorite things that we wanted others to be sure to see. It wasn’t meant to be a tribute to an architectural masterpiece that has now been lost. Such a tragedy.
